Saturday, July 24, 2010

When Your Plants Start Conversing Amongst Themselves

I hit this point every single stinking year.
Ya know, where you glance out the window at some gawdawful wet, hot, muggy air that is-so-humid-laden-you-should-be-frosting-a-cake-with-it point and get so deflated, overwhelmed and disgusted that you just want to throw your hands up and say, "Well, fuck it!" (Hey, I never pronounced this blog to be G-rated.)

Today is that day this year. Yup, there's no hiding from it. Ok, unless I tape black tissue paper over every window and door in my house and hide under the thick, oversized comforter in the muggy, hot bedroom so I don't have to look at one single drooping, pissed-off-at-me plant. Unless this is a good day to die of heat stroke, that is sooo not gonna happen.

So, I end up watching my plants out the window watching me watch them.
And they are obviously talking shit about me. I can tell.
And they don't even have the decency to do it behind my back.
I see their happy little buds, flowers, fronds and leaves nodding at each other, don't think I don't!
I know what they're saying -

Phlox: "Geeez! We're just getting started and she's slacking already."

The daisies drooping with raindrops grumbling from across the walkway: "Pfffttt! where's our stake? Where the hell is our stake? We give up."

The columbines: "I wish she'd get out here long enough to collect all this seed we're wasting on the mulch. We thought she loved us!"

The bee balm nodding in agreement: "She's useless. Invasion, it's the only way!"

The irises, with a Cheshire cat grin: "If you were all just smart enough to do the spring thing..."

The peppers: "Where the hell are our epsom salts? We know she dosed last year, we can feel residue in the soil!"

The pole beans, tendrils waiving free in the breeze: "Awww, quit your whimpering! She couldn't even be bothered to give us a big enough pole. She's pathetic."

The whiney cucumbers: "Look! Just look at all these cucumber beetles. She only smooshed a hundred and fifty or so. What about the other thousand? We're gonna die, we're just gonna wilt and die, and then she'll complain about no pickles!"

The diva heucheras: "Ewww! Look at all those nasty weeds in the walkway. They're gonna touch us. She's going to let their unclean roots creep into the flowerbed and touch us!"

The snooty tomatoes: "She'll see. She'll just see what happens when we're ignored!

The Guaras: "Well, just see if we bother coming back next year. We'll just leave a pitiful empty spot in the flowerbed so everyone knows she doesn't take care of anything. That'll fix her wagon good!"

And then I glance at the lush, green, rain-laden and uncomplaining Boston ferns, grab the pruners and head out the door and into the rain amongst the overwhelming din of "Me first!"

Monday, July 19, 2010

I'm On Gina's 'Virtual Garden Tours'

I'm a little (ok, a lot) excited.
Gina, over at My Skinny Garden, came up with the awesome idea of hosting what she calls "Virtual Garden Tours" so she and her blog readers could get to know their fellow bloggers and their gardens a little better through a survey and pictures.

And she asked me to participate! :)

It was hard to pick out any pictures that would even get close to showing the scale we garden on, but I think I did ok. Maybe? I wish I'd had some better ones to send (it's hard to keep the pot ghetto and weeds out of the frame and the garden wasn't looking so hot after the mini-drought), but I did my best, and it was quite fun!

So, if you're even a little bit curious or interested, head on over and read (and drool over some fab pics) about a few of your fellow bloggers (including moi!) and their gardens. If you'd like to be part of it, Gina has an email at the bottom of each gardener's tour to contact her.

Thanks again for the invite, Gina. The Tours was a fab idea!